


What Are We Laughing At? We Are Laughing At Ourselves!!111! XD :D ;) ) O_0

by Filigranka



Category: AO3 Tags, AO3 fandom
Genre: Carpe Diem Or As The Youth Say It YOLO, Crack, Dubious Consent, Exchange Creator/Non-Commenting Recip - Freeform, Humor, Multi, Other, Parody, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn, The Void, Unusual Weddings, but isn't carpe diem nicer? and you can make it "carpe diem karpie gdy jem", what you can make of YOLO?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:21:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22250230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Filigranka/pseuds/Filigranka
Summary: Written for Birthday Bash 2020. It's all the warning you'll get. :DCrack! Parody! Porn! Written in English is, because (kneels) Polish is sacred (raises), I don't remember Czech or Latin enough and I don't think Vatican made a Latin words for kudos and fics. I wonder if I could ask them - like Ao3 tag wrangles, because they're the ones wrangling Latin one...<3 <3 <3 Love you all! <3 <3 <3
Relationships: Exchange Creator/Non-Commenting Recip, The Most Kudosed Work In Your Chosen Fandom/The Least Kudosed Work In Your Chosen Fandom
Comments: 22
Kudos: 24
Collections: Exchanges After Dark Birthday Bash 2020





	1. Match Made in Coder's Heaven

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Welsper](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Welsper/gifts), [monocleofjustice](https://archiveofourown.org/users/monocleofjustice/gifts), [crookedspoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crookedspoon/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Creator/The Non-Commenting Recip. Unusual Wedding. Rated: G. Parody. No porn in sight. Safe for work.

‘Do you, Recipient, take this Creator’s gift, to have and to hold from this day forward, till death of Ao3 servers do you part?’ The Moderator’s voice is loud and strangely melodic; low drumming of zeroes and ones dancing, making circles, pairing and breaking up with each other to the mysterious rhythm. 

The Creator waits with bated breath. 

Waits.  
Waits.  
Waits.  
And waits some more.

The Moderator knits his brows. ‘You do realise this match – this agreement is something into which you came entirely voluntary? and its rules had been announced in public well before the matching ceremony took place?’ They look at other members of the Exchanges Cult. ‘Do I speak the truth?’

‘You do,’ murmur most of the members, a little bored and eager to get to their own Acknowledged Ceremonies. However, some start a discussion of whether said “public announcement” was put in the right place – perhaps Tumblr and Ao3 and Dreamwidth accounts aren’t enough? Perhaps they should have also reached twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Wattpad… 

The discussion, while passionate, gets ignored by the rest of the Cult. Just like The Moderator’s questions are ignored by the still stubbornly silent Recipient.

‘So, you _do_ realise you can also just refuse your gift and be free of this bond and association if it is in any way hurtful, uncomfortable, embarrassing or plainly boring for you? Or for any other reason you find fit?’

Still, silence.

‘There’s this big button under your right hand. The one with letters “r” “e” “f” “u” “s” “e”, “refuse” written on it. If you push it, the contract will be considered void and we will be able to move to another Participant…’ sighs The Moderator.

The Recipient remains politely smiled and silent, like a puppet or a mannequin. The Moderator opens their mouth – to ask another question or postpone the matter and go check upon others – 

THUD.

The Creator, who didn’t let out the breath they hadn’t realized they was holding, faints and falls on the floor. Some participants glance at them. The Moderator’s flooded with relief – without the Creator to protest, they can freely decide the ceremony concluded _successfully_. They wave for another member of the Exchanges Cult, who almost runs to the comment’s field.

The Recipient  
stays  
silent.


	2. Free For All!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Porn between The Most Kudosed Work and The Least Kudosed Work. Dub-con. Tentacles. Spanking. Parody. Proceed with caution.

‘My, my, aren’t you a little needy kudos-sucker,’ snarled Obviously-Unfairly-Overkudosed Work using its long, thick, tentacles– all three of them, kudos-, comment- and hit-counts ones – to caress Obviously-Unfairly-Ignored Work’s holes and body.

They were indeed needy. Just a few moves in and out, a brush of hit counts on Ignored Work’s nipples and their parted lips, a mockery of a kiss, was enough make Ignored Work salivate. 

‘Please, please, I need it,’ whispered Ignored Work, trembling. ‘I need your kudos and comments inside me, I beg you – just a tip, just a –‘

‘Shhh,’ cooed Overkudosed Work, massaging Ignored Work’s kudoshole, but careful to not push their member into it. ‘If you’ll be a good work for me, I might give you a few dozen hits.’ To emphasise their words, they hit Ignored Work’s cheeks with that tentacle of theirs. Lightly; for now.

‘No, please, not just hits, I beg you – more!’ Ignored Work’s head jerked up when the big, strong and now hard like a stone kudos-tentacle started to spank him. ‘Oh, more, more, more, I need more hits – more kudos – just more,’ they babbled uncontrollably. ‘Hit me, baby, one more time!’

‘My, my, ”Silly pop-culture allusions” and “Britney Spears quotes”, you don’t get many kudos this way,’ snarled Overkudosed Work, spanking them. They hit hard and remembered to change the rhythm, while still teasing Ignored Work’s holes and nipples with their rising and rising hit-count.

The Ignored Work writhed and cried in pain. They looked so very pretty when they cried, mused Overkudosed Work, taking apart their cheeks and giving their hole a few lazy, but pretty strong smashes.

Ignored Work jerked and screamed. Overkudosed Work petted their hair with their gentle comments-tentacle and moved it down, caressing Ignored Work’s neck, spine, ribs, finally, even their hole…

‘Just the tip,’ Overkudosed Work promised in a silky voice.

Ignored Work whimpered, half-pained, half in hope.

Then, Overkudosed Work retracted their comments-member and pushed their million-hits-thick, long and hard tentacle into the Ignored Work’s red, abused hole, impaling them.

Ignored Work screamed and screamed, but in the world-wide void nobody heard their cries – everybody was busy following Overkudosed Work’s social-media-posted laughter.


End file.
